It is absolutely beautiful outside – the sun is shining, clouds are at a minimum and there is a slight chill in the air. I’m sitting in my home office situation feeling the sun on my arm and face and trying my darnedest not to pull my hair out by the handfuls. You see, ladies and gentlemen, I am waiting on the Washing Machine Repairperson from GE. I am NOT a patient person, thus the weight loss blogging effort to hold me accountable because I am an instant gratification kind of a girl. I want it, I make it happen. Weight does not work so quickly, so I tend to lose interest or get frustrated or adopt different strategies before the first one has had the opportunity to perform any life-altering miracles, like dropping me down to a size 6.

All this is to say that my food intake SUCKS big, fat, hairy, donkey balls. Seriously. And my lack of patience, or ADHD, whatever you want to call it, contributes to a poor dietary consumption habit. For instance – I’ve been up since 5:20 this morning – did my brisk morning walk – under duress, but still did it, and have been sitting on my voluptuos rump at the computer ever since – working on statistics. I have had two cups of tea – one chai, and one green – both straight up, no sweetener or cream, thanks. I have also had two biscuits – sweet, soft, fresh, buttery, homemade Bisquick biscuits that my daughter saw in her heart to produce last night. Yes, there is a God. STILL – I should have only had ONE. For some reason, portion control goes out the window when I’m bored or impatient. I will just continue to stuff whatever food is at hand into my pie hole until I’m either uncomfortable or my attention has been captured otherwise. It’s a damn mess. Another example for those of you who just aren’t getting it – last night, I got home from class around 7:30 or so. My day so far had been good caloricly speaking. I hadn’t overdone it and had refrained from the handful of M&Ms I wanted to eat. I got home and threw some leftover spaghetti into the microwave. Rather than take part of it and relax in front of the Phillies/Rays, I gobbled down the entire Tupperware container of pasta because I was freakin’ bored….. What the Hell people???? I know this is not good – it upsets my stomach – but I was hungry/bored/ridiculous. This is my struggle. GRRRRR………

Feel free to give advice. I understand that small snacks are really the way to go, and not associating food with something to do would be a good concept to adopt, and I’m working on that, but it doesn’t make this process any less frustrating. Now, I haven’t weighed myself or seen any direct results, but the point is that I’m recognizing a fault, examining it, and hopefully discarding it as stupid… Whaddyathink????

Quit dangling the damn carrot and let me be a size 8 already!!!

Monday (10/20/08) – Weighed in at 219.6 – no loss this week. Possibly because I am getting control of my stomach and NOT losing everything that I’m putting into my stomach. I’m okay with that. No loss either though – which means I need to get control of everything I’m putting into my stomach…lol

Where to begin? I left off with Friday, so I suppose I should cover the weekend and my further decline into the depths of diet Hell.

Saturday – bfast was made by the chef du jour in the house (my 12 year old) one egg, some cheese and a soy-sausage on a slice of whole wheat bread. Not too bad…. forgot to eat lunch – darnit…. dinner was out with friends – 1/2 a hamburger with a slice of cheese, no condiments except some A-1 sauce, and a couple of fries. I DID, however, partake of a strawberry margarita – BAD – empty calories and sugar in alcohol….. bleh…. Later that night – 2 beers while checkin’ the Red Sox game – what is UP with that crazy pitcher???? the ball comes from his ankle!!! yeah – not my shining glory, but I’m a sports NUT and enjoy a frosty brew from time to time. Overall, not TOO terribly bad, but the alcohol killed it.

Sunday – In too big a rush to eat bfast – no good – brunch was a chicken salad with wayyyyyy too much dressing ( premixed at M5), but I only ate about 2/3 of it, 2 fresh grilled pitas with some feta dip. Soooo yummy, but I highly doubt it’s good for you, along with a cup of tea and water. Around 9, I realized that I was hungry (1st bad thing – too late for me to eat), so I heated up some pasta with vodka tomato sauce (2nd bad thing – all carbs and creamy sauce), and ate about 1/2 of it (3rd bad thing – toooooo large a portion). but I did drink some more water.

Monday - THE WORST – I was in a training all day, so I knew I wouldn’t have access to the good foods I’ve been intaking while at work…. did I plan??? NO. So, at the crack o’ dawn, I hit up Starbucks for a grande non-fat chai latte, and an apple-oat muffin. I’m fairly sure my fat intake was covered before 7am. a glass of orange juice at the training. Lunch was Jack-in-the-Box, grilled chicken pita and grilled steak pita with 3 jalapeno poppers (LOVE them!!), and 2 medium Cokes. another orange juice at the training and a mini-banana nut muffin. Dinner was Chick-fil-A #1 with a Coke (fried chicken sandwich, no sauce, 2 pickle slices) I ate a few of my fries, but that was it.

Yeah, so I fell off the wagon yesterday. I’m NOT proud of myself. I have, however, continued the walking. Sat/Sun were days off, but yesterday morning came around and I was up 1 minute before my alarm, rearing to go…..lol – same thing with this morning. The exercise is working to keep me at a steady level, I guess. Let’s get the food in line and see how much more will just peel off….

Possibly hittin’ up Funky Fit with my cohort, The Queen of Dance, Ash….. I’ll have more for ya manana…. caio!!